Sunday, April 29, 2007

Wait A Second, This Chicken Has Paws and a Snout!

We all know we've got more than one species in our henhouse - that's nothing new to our politics, and it is certainly not unique to the Bush Administration.

What is unique to the Bush Administration is how bad the coyotes' disguises are. These people have brought in some of the most foolish galoots I've seen on television since I watched Warner Brothers cartoons every Sunday.

Since it is Sunday, let's tune in to some real-life looney tunes and have a giggle at the expense of dumb wolves whose whiskers and snouts are falling out of their pathetic chicken suits.


So you're appointed President of the World Bank and from that dais you choose a pretty good flagship issue: corruption! Pretty soon, you become a full-fledged corruption hawk, denying loans and credit to countries on the basis of unvirtuous policies ridden with conflicts of interest and and good rules ignored. It's a pretty good gig already - and as icing on the cake, your girlfriend already works there, and so you are able to see each other during the day, enjoying lunch together and casual chats about the weather, sports, or the proliferation of democracy across the middle-east.

What would be a really good way to screw this all up? Mmmmmm - I know! Circumvent the bank's HR policies and demand large raises for the lady!

And then continue to defend this even though the World Bank explicitly prohibits couples from being employed there at the same time in the first place. Deny that there is any conflict of interest and and insist that we drop this matter and go back to what we're supposed to be doing:

Fighting corruption!


Good one, huh? Hold on, that's just the warmup. Here's one that will really get you going.

This guy is a clown prince of coyotes - the kind of doofus whose chicken suit has been pulled off, looks around at the farmers who have caught him, and tries that one - tentative - "b'caw?"

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Randall Tobias.
Mr. Tobias served as CEO of two important corporations (AT&T International and Eli Lilly), retired, and became George W. Bush's AIDS ambassador in 2003. He was the U.S. Global AIDS Coordinator, and went on to be appointed head of U.S. Foreign Assistance. In other words, since 2006 he has been the overseer of all our economic and humanitarian assistance across the world. He ranks as a deputy Secretary of State.

He is also the founder of the Randall L. Tobias Center For Leadership Excellence at Indiana University. Go Hoosiers!

As part of his job, he has contended with the spread of AIDS and the impact of the sex trade on health and economics in developing countries. In fact, Tobias took a very hard line on prostitution and sex trafficking. This had some unfortunate consequences. For instance, Brazil lost a very successful $40 million program that distributed condoms to sex workers in order to prevent the spread of HIV. Tobias and President Bush nixed that plan because, in the President's words, prostitution is "inherently harmful and dehumanizing." Groups now had to sign an anti-prostitution oath to receive federal money, which entailed no outreach to sex workers.

Call it tough love.

So what does Randall Tobias do in his spare time?

a.) Serve on the advisory boards of international relief organizations.

b.) Spend quality time with his wife.

c.) Hire escorts.

Answer: C!!!

That's right, Tobias - the AIDS Czar, cleaning up the ravages of unsafe sex and rampant prostitution - has admitted to employing the services of so-called "D.C. Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey. In his own words, he paid "to have gals come over to the condo to give me a massage."

"Gals."

IT GETS EVEN BETTER.

When Palfrey's operation was shut down because of her own legal problems, Tobias took his business elsewhere: to an escort service that imports Central American girls!

To give him his due, however, he insists that the girls he employed via the escort services were only giving him massages. He assures us there was no sex involved!


Apparently he is using the Clintonian definition of sex, which excludes blow jobs and hand jobs.

His White House bio page is still up. But it won't be for long. Here's his photo:

Randall L. Tobias, ladies and gentlemen, doing our country proud!

No comments: