Saturday, September 06, 2008

An Open Letter to Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma

Dear Senator,

You disgusting jackass.

No, honestly. You do not deserve to speak any of the languages spoken by intelligent and decent American citizens. Not english, or spanish, or any of the romance languages, for those are all spoken by citizens loyal and patriotic. Not arabic or farsi, or other langauges spoken by naturalized immigrants from the middle-east. None of the languages of India, for the same reason. The Germanic languages are out. We may have to compromise and let you speak Esperanto. Please go curl up with an Esperanto phrasebook at a KOA campsite somewhere and feel free to die while you are there.

Perhaps your campaign-season rhetoric is earning you applause from your fellow party members, and perhaps that is all that matters to you, but as an American with a real job, Senator, I take personal offense at your false-patriotic mudslinging at Senator Barack Obama, and Obama isn't even my candidate in this election. I take offense because discourse like yours demeans all Americans at once, including yourself, although like a sick hog you don't realize you are wallowing in your own filth.

Here is what you said at the Republican convention: "Do you really want to have a guy as commander in chief of this country when you can question whether or not he really loves his country? That's the big question."

When reporters asked you to clarify, you provided this in a written statement: "I am not questioning Sen. Obama's patriotism, but you have to question why at times he seems so obviously opposed to public displays of patriotism and national pride, like wearing an American flag lapel pin."

In the last eight years, I have watched my countrymen die unnecessarily because of bad government. Literally, sir, I have watched bad policy produce dead Americans who need not have died. With mounting horror and nausea I have watched it happen both at home and abroad. I am less interested in assigning blame for these matters than seeing serious analyses and solutions so that fewer of my countrymen must suffer and die.

This is not, apparently, what is most important to you. What is most important to you is that a Republican win the election, and that the Democratic candidate be smeared personally in order to help the Republican win. And you speak of patriotism, you cockroach? Take that pin off your lapel, sir, because on your person it is a desecration of our flag. Remove it at once, sit down, and be ashamed.

With disdain,



Algernon said...

In reality I sent a much better, tamer version of this letter to the Senator. I left out all the insults except for the very end, telling him to take that pin off.

But this version is more entertaining so just for you, friends, this is one I posted here.

quid said...

Very cool. Love how we move towards true bipartisanship. Flinging muds, insults and lies is always the first step.


Pam said...

Personally, I think you should have sent this one! *grin*

Ji Hyang said...

that kind of feedback is essential to democracy--
I wrote a letter to the editor this week myself, inspired by your Jon Stewart excerpt

Bill Chapman said...

It was interesting to see the mention of Esperanto here. Your readers may gain from this the idea that Esperanto is something historical or experimental. In fact this planned second language is spoken by a growing population of people across the world. Take a look at

I suspect tyhat the Senator won't be learning it!

Kelly said...

I always thought Esperanto was kind of a neat idea.

Personally, though...I'd rather learn Klingon or maybe Elvish.

Donna said...

I loved this, as I do all your writing.

I'm with Pam!