Thursday, January 21, 2010

Welcome to Western

Dear Algernon,

Thank you for your email requesting a syllabus for the course from which you have been dropped. You were given instructions on how to locate your syllabus when you paid your syllabus fee, the same day you paid your laboratory fee and separate technology fee.

If you would simply use your electron microscope to examine the lower right corner of your receipt, you will find instructions as to the location of the syllabus. Simply proceed to the basement of the School of Education, make your way past the starving Rottweiler, and you will find the syllabus taped to the bottom of the discarded septic tank.

Although you have been dropped from the course, you will be expected to hand in your assignments on time. And then again, when we ask for them a month later. And then a third time, when we threaten to withhold licensure until you hand in all of your homework assignments from the past three years. We may ask for them more times, as well, if we feel like making you "dance."

For this email, there is a 75-cent media charge. Please type your credit card number in the box below, expiration date, and your card's security code.

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