Saturday, November 05, 2011

Feel Sexier By Reading A List of Tips!

For a few days, I am on a ranch somewhere south of Santa Fe working on a film. In my absence, this blog will now offer some general beauty tips. This is an area we have not covered well at the Burning House, and some who know us would say it shows.

Herewith, some tips we gleaned straight from Glamour Magazine, along with personal testimonies to how I implement them.

Classic Moves That Work

1. Crunches. No problem. When I eat Tostitos, they make a really good crunch.

2. Squats. I do a lot of these because I drop stuff all the time.

Keys To Finding The Right Routine

1. Start slowly. I am the slowest starter ever. Sometimes I never even get around to whatever is I am starting doing.

2. Work Out Almost Daily. Got it. I almost worked out today. I almost worked out yesterday. I will almost work out tomorrow. I've got a rhythm going.

3. Meet with a personal trainer - even if it's just once. I met a personal trainer once. I walked into a Bally's gym. Or was it a Gold's? Anyway, one of the trainers sent me away with some literature. Stupidly, I gave the dude my phone number. They called for months. I mean, months.

Secrets To Looking Slimmer Than Your Size

1. Focus more on the muscles that people see. Recently, I have taken to wearing the Afghan burqa. You don't see any part of my body. So far so good.

2. Stop obsessing about the number on your scale. I don't even have a scale.

Genius Eat-Right Rules

1. When you eat out, order whatever looks good to you. I'm on it!

2. Add something crunchy to your plate. Deep-fried noodles, check.

3. Watch your daily caffeine intake. Watch it with me. How many cups so far? Come on now, keep up!

4. Skip pre-gym snacks. No gym, no pre-gym snacks. All snacks are fair game.

This is easy. I'm feeling sexier already.


Kelly said...

This was an unexpected, yet enjoyable post.

Mandy_Fish said...

I'm going to tape this to my refrigerator and try my best to adhere to it.