Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Green Eggs and Hamlet

Welcoming 2007 on New Years Eve

"I will not watch your little play,"

said odious King Claudius that fateful day.

"I will cover up my unseeing eyes,

"Drown you out with petulant sighs,

"And no matter what you have to say

"I will not watch your tawdry play.

"I would not watch it in a boat!

"I would not watch it with a goat!

"I do not like to watch the soaps!

"I will not watch it, damn it, Hamlet!"

Thus to Hamlet it was most obvious

His father's killer was none but Claudius,

For the play he concocted - that Claudius boycotted -

Was the story of a familiar recent homicide.

The king had been stabbed in the side -

Clearly it was homicide.

He was killed so that a new king would preside -

Making it an act of parricide.

Killed he was by a near-brother, woe betide,

For that makes it also a fratricide.

And when the killer made the widow his own bride,

Hamlet would avenge his dad with an act of step-patricide.

Strange situation, one must confide.

"Never mind," said Hamlet, playing the dutiful son,

"What's passed is past, what's done is done.

"Let resentment be fin. Let bygones begin.

"Have breakfast, dear king, prepared by your kin.

"A special repast that will truly do you in!"

(He said with a wink and a tuck of his chin.)

The king did not take well to this meal, instead he hurled it and yelled with a squeal:

"I do not like green eggs or Hamlet!! I do not like them, good god damn!!"

And as he contemptuously swore

He drew his contentious sword

And though he was a pretentious bore

Who made Gertrude his licentious whore

It was not Act Four anymore

And we need deaths by the score well before

The audience is shown to the door.

Clickety-clack and clackety-click!

Katclicky-wack and kitclacky-wick!

Swords and daggers, murderous fraggers,

Stabbing courtiers through hanging arasses,

And the two duelled their final duel.

Prince and king killed king and prince

Poison tips made both of them wince

And down they went like obsolete missiles

Both of these tragical, dramatical imbeciles.

But these two alone bore not the brunt,

Indeed there was no one left to exeunt.

Then the curtain fell and all was well

But for the reviews - which, let me tell you, were hell.

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